fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
