Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
