How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
