I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
