we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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