Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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