yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
sex in a hospital.. check
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
