I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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