Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
