UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
