um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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