I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
