shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my poor anus
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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