Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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