Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
