Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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