I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
