I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
