I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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