I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
