please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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