Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
