Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
