This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
