I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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