Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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