Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
