i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
