She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
How's work?
Spinning.
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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