Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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