I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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