The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
