I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
