I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
