Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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