The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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