On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
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Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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