i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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