he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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