I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you traded sex for a burrito?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
