what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
