I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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