every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
