This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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