I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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