Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
