I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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