Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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