I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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