The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
