according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
