yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize