beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
