So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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