areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
