I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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