Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
