If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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