He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
