well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want to fling myself into the sun
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
