3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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