hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
