I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
there is glitter all over my balls
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
