those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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